Mother's Intuition is Bullshit.
Sorry, that title is probably a little inflammatory. But, this is something I’ve struggled with since having Ada, and it’s been weighing on me particularly heavily this week. So, I need to get it out there.
If you have anxiety, mother’s intuition means jack all.
Maybe I have a true intuition. But if I do, it’s buried under the constantly churning seas of anxiety I keep mostly at bay thanks to therapy and awareness. And I wish people would stop talking about it like it’s some ironclad sense that is just there.
Like most people with anxiety, I struggle with staying firmly grounded in reality. I’m a pro at making up an infinite number of increasingly bleak futures in my head. I’m basically the Dr. Strange of bullshit. (That reference, so hot right now.)
Anxiety is tricky. It desperately tries to convince you it’s real. Through therapy and meditation, I’ve gotten fairly good at labeling something as an “anxiety thought.” How well I cope with that thought upon labeling, well, depends on the day. Usually labeling is enough to keep it from snowballing taking over my day/week/month. Some days I label it, and it sits. And I’m constantly trying to swat it away, like a particularly obnoxious mosquito. Some days I embrace the full meditative practice and label it, and can let it float by without attaching myself to it.
But, that’s the key to avoiding the anxiety snowball — not attaching meaning to those anxiety thoughts. And that means when I’m sitting there holding my baby’s hands and thinking of SIDs, I can just cast it off as a normal anxiety thought. But the idea of “mother’s intuition” gives that anxiety something to hold on to, and allows it to sit. “Is what I’m thinking actually mother’s intuition? And that means this is some real thought coming from my gut, and it’s not anxiety?” Suddenly I’m scared to go to sleep, because I’m convinced this fleeting thought means something terrible is going to happen. It’s a really dangerous game to play.
When I’m living in anxiety, I’m not being there and present for… well, anyone, but especially not Ada. Which is not what I want for her — I don’t want a mom who is so crushingly concerned with all the things that could go wrong, that she doesn’t live in the now. So, maybe society as a whole could cool it on the mother’s intuition front. Because I’m willing to bet that even for those moms that don’t have a therapist that bills them under Generalized Anxiety Disorder, for every one time their “intuition” was correct, there were six times it was an anxiety thought that pulled them out of living their best life in that moment.
The Definitive Product Guide for a Newborn* Part Two
* If your name is Jessica Versaw and you gave birth to a baby named Adelaide on December 10th at 11:27pm.
Once more — this is just what’s been working for me. Every baby and mom are different, so your mileage may vary. You can catch part one here, which focuses a bit more on generic stuff, whereas this post focuses more on actual baby things. I spent SO much time on my registry, but even with all the research I’ve done, I’ve had some things I’ve replaced, some things I missed, and some things that I maybe didn’t need. If you by chance got me any of the things I’m reviewing not-so-positively, know I still 100% appreciate it, I just didn’t know what I needed at the time. This entry is going to be a beast, so here we go.
Baby Gear
Babymel George Diaper Bag — Thus far, I’m really digging this. Here’s what I wanted in a diaper bag:
Roomy, but not bulky
Neutral colors/not overly baby-specific
Room for laptops
Not gender-specific
Pockets/pouches to stay organized
This bag has really hit all that criteria, and I’ve been happy with it.
Fisher Price Rock-N-Play Sleeper — We’ve used this quite a bit for those times where we really need to set Ada down but she isn’t 100% on board. By and large, she’s pretty content. It includes a few different music options, but they don’t seem to make much of a difference compared to a really good staticy, rumbly white noise.
If I were to buy another rock-n-play, I’d see if I could find one that has the option to run on batteries for easier portability, and with a bluetooth connection so I can shut it off from my phone. As I type this, ours is rocking away, and Ada is sitting next to me. She’s being quiet and we’re in the middle of the 5 week leap, so I’m not moving.
Breeze Plus Playard — I’ve heard other pack and plays are a pain in the ass to set up, but this is the only one I’ve owned, and it seems easy enough. Testament to the Breeze name? I will say the changing pad sits too low to be comfortable, despite neither Ryan nor I being particularly tall. After a month of using this as our downstairs changing station, we set up a changing pad on a different table to save our backs. If I were to buy this again, I’d probably go for the cheaper Breeze Go option.
Wipe Warmer & Diaper Cream Spatula — Both of these fall under the “do I really need this?” territory, but I’ve been happy to have them both. The wipe warmer has a handy light, and the wipes seem a lot more comfortable. Considering we keep the diaper setup in our fairly chilly sunroom, this helps a lot. The diaper spatula I’ve taken a surprisingly large liking to. It makes putting cream on way more simple, and you get a nice, even application.
Britax Travel System — Admittedly, I largely went with this one because my mom could get a good deal at Babies-R-Us closing, but it was so early in my pregnancy I didn’t really want to research a ton, since I was still pretty nervous about miscarriage and I had seen enough good reviews online.
I’ve been pretty happy with this — the car seat is simple to get in and out, and the stroller collapses and opens easily. The stroller has handled well on the few weirdly warm January days I took it out for a spin. My only complaint is that I wish the bottom was a bit wider, as I hit it just regularly enough while walking to be slightly irritating. If I start running with Ada, I’ll get a bespoke jogging stroller that hopefully has more foot clearance, and I’ll make sure to test it out in person.
Baby Wearing — I got a Boppy Comfyfit Carrier, and I hated it. The Comfyfit isn’t adjustable, and hugs way too tightly around my shoulders for my liking. I feel claustrophobic and constrained while I’m wearing it, which kind of defeats the purpose of baby wearing.
Enter the Solly Baby wrap — gamechanger. It’s light, so you don’t feel like you’re cooking your baby while you wear it. And it’s adjustable, so it’s incredibly comfortable, I don’t feel constrained at all in it. Ryan has been using a Lillebaby and seems to like it just fine, but it was really bulky on my frame. I think that’ll come in handy until Ada hits the 25 lb weight limit for the Solly Baby, but until then, I’m all aboard the Solly train. We just got it this afternoon and she’s spent half the time since we got it in there. Once again… 5 week leap. She needs to be held all the time, and this makes it enjoyable rather than a hindrance to doing well… anything except holding a baby.
Snuggle Me Organic — I went back and forth on whether to get a baby dock. If we’re being honest, the cute constellation pattern is what swayed me. It’s been fine, but I don’t think I’m quite as enamored with it as others have been with the snuggle me/dock-a-tots. A friend is bringing over a Moses basket to let me borrow, and I may like it a bit more then — Felicity is allllll up in Ada’s grill when we use it, and we can’t really take advantage of the “use it anywhere” factor at the moment due to that. She does seem to like using it in her bassinet, but we’ve only done that when we’re really desperate, as it doesn’t follow safe sleep guidelines.
Nail… Sander? — You people with Clippers are in 2019, meanwhile I’m in 2049 with this nail file sander thing. I can get her nails so short (more important than you realize), and she has no problem with me trimming her nails while she eats. I don’t have clawed up boobs, she doesn’t have a clawed up face, we all win.
Items I’d suggest I don’t have much to say about — Fuzzy Car Seat Cover (important when they can’t wear jackets), Large waterproof changing pad (I wound up buying a second one for downstairs), Ubbi Diaper Pail (Looks good, the diapers don’t smell, and you can use regular trash bags. I’ve been considering getting a second one of these as well).
Baby Tech
I already mentioned the Owlet Smart Sock in my previous post, but it probably comes as no surprise that we have OPINIONS on baby tech, so here are a few more items.
Arlo Baby Monitor — Ryan researched monitors for ages, and this is what we landed on — I’ve yet to decide if the bunny is cute or creepy. We also have the Arlo cameras for our home security, and it’s nice to have all our cameras in one place.
We haven’t used this much as a baby monitor since Ada is still sleeping in our room, but thus far I’m pretty satisfied with it. It measures the temperature, humidity, and air quality, includes a fully customizable light (you can adjust color and brightness), and white noise. The noises that come with it annoy me, because they loop poorly and after only 8 seconds. However, you do have the option of “recording your own voice,” and I’ve used that to transfer some of the Happiest Baby on the Block white noise tracks to the monitor. That said, the process was a huge pain in the ass. Arlo is made by Netgear, and a lot of the interface screams “hardware company that needs more help creating usable software.”
The Wonder Weeks App — Almost any parent will suggest this. Know when your baby is going to have a developmental leap, and what it means. I’m in the middle of the five week leap right now — knowing what’s going on has been really helpful for fostering a sense of empathy when Ada just wants to be held, or is suddenly screaming for no reason. Knowing it was coming also has helped a lot — I think I would have been concerned something was wrong if I didn’t have this app.
BabySparks App — The activities are high quality, and they do a great job of explaining how they contribute to your baby’s development. This has been great for those “I want to interact with you, but I have no idea what you would find interesting” moments.
I don’t think they’re doing much active development on this app, so good luck if you run into a problem (it took us forever to figure out that you just needed to sign on with the same email and password on multiple devices, and I’ve never seen so little support documentation for anything, ever). I tried out Kinedu, and while the app looked a lot nicer, the content was blah.
Feeding
Nursing Pillow — I have both a My Brest Friend and a Boppy. They each have their pros and cons, but I think I slightly prefer the Boppy. The My Brest Friend is really comfortable while you’re using it, and is great for the early days of nursing where it feels like you’re walking on a tightrope juggling chainsaws and if someone coughs the baby will unlatch. However, since the back support doesn’t really flex much or detach, it takes some effort to get everything in position, and it’s nearly impossible to do so one-handed while holding a screaming newborn.
While it’s a bit less comfortable to use, the Boppy is a lot easier to get in position, and also doubles as a little lounger than comes in handy when you want to keep your baby upright after feeding so your house doesn’t turn into a scene from the spitup exorcist. I also like that it’s a bit easier to mold it into different positions — while it’s nearly impossible to use the My Brest Friend while simultaneously feeding and pumping, I can do so with the Boppy pretty easily. That said, I didn’t have the Boppy in the delicate early days, and it’s a lot easier to get her into position and latch now, so I can’t speak to how it does with the tightrope and chainsaws.
Kiinde Twist System — I love this thing. You can pump directly into the bags, which makes pumping + feeding way easier. If I exclusively pump, I get like, 1/4 of the milk from both boobs that I do if I feed from one side and pump from the other. Not having a bulky bottle to deal with while I’m juggling a pump and the baby is, well, the tits.
Once you’re ready to use a bag of milk, you can snap it directly into the bottle — no transferring milk back and forth. The bags are more bulky than other storage bags, but it’s worth it to not have to deal with pump bottles + bags + bottle bottles. She also seems significantly less gassy when she eats from the Kiinde bottles compared to the other ones we’ve tried. You can get a free starter pack to try the system out, as well.
Burp Cloths — The cotton muslin ones have been my favorite, by far. We also have the gerber cloth diapers, since we’re definitely more about quantity than quality with burp rags. Both because you need them stationed basically everywhere, and because the dog keeps stealing them. But if I choose which one I grab, I go for these muslin ones every time. I’ve also tried the Copper Pearl style burp rags, but the spit up tends to pool on the surface vs. actually be absorbed. Then the baby just wriggles in it. It’s a mess for everyone.
Bits & Bobs
Bibs Pacifiers — I love these. They’re much better looking than most pacifiers, and are still small and light enough that Ada can keep them in her mouth (unlike the Philips Soothies). The Mam newborn pacifiers have also worked well — the dog likes to steal pacifiers, so we’re all about quantity over here.
Lovevery Play Gym — This is a bit of a hot ticket item at the moment, it seems like everyone I know who has had a baby recently has one. But it’s incredibly well-designed, and doesn’t look ridiculous. One of my big thoughts upon having a baby is that the longer I could avoid my house becoming a shrine to primary colors and plastic, the happier I’d be. I’m also a sucker for any toys that can be tied directly to cognitive development.
Promptly Child History Journal — I had a tough time finding a baby book I was happy with. I wanted simple design, and I wasn’t too interested in a ton of slots for photos — I know the chance of me printing out photos is pretty low. I love how writing-focused this book is, I’ve had no problem making sure I get it filled out for each milestone thus far. I also like that it leaves plenty of open room for random thoughts, feelings, and anecdotes.
The Definitive Product Guide for a Newborn*
* If your name is Jessica Versaw and you gave birth to a baby named Adelaide on December 10th at 11:27pm.
Seriously, it’s weird how much one baby/parent can take to product xyz, and a different baby is all, “thank u, next.” But, it’s also really effing hard to make a baby registry, and I’ve been asked quite a bit for my thoughts on different items, and I wanted as much info and real-life testimonials as I could get my hands on when I was creating my registry. So, here we are. All opinions are my own, nothing sponsored, yada yada. Like for real — I post on here once every few months, who is going to sponsor this post? My mother?
Mom Clothes
Dwell & Slumber Caftan Gowns — I loved these for third trimester, and I’m still loving them (I’m actually wearing one right now). They’re super soft and comfortable. They have POCKETS, which is even MORE exciting when you’re carting a newborn around (common items found in mine — breast pad, burp cloth, a whole onesie, my cell phone I’m actively looking for at that moment). They also have snaps all the way down the front, which make it pretty easy to feed.
Bralido Nursing Tanks — Nice and long, so you can use them in the third trimester as well. They also have molded removable cups, so you don’t have to wear a bra with them. One of these tanks, some Lululemon Align Leggings, and a drape-y cardigan are basically my uniform right now. Which brings me to….
Lululemon Align Leggings — I got tipped off to these during my second trimester, and wore them until the last two months or so of my pregnancy, and they came right back after. High waisted, soft, stretchy legging perfection.
Baby Clothes
H&M Kimono Onesies — These are fantastic. Not only do they look cute, you don’t have to feel like a dick pulling a onesie over your baby’s head, because I promise you feel like a dick every single time you do it. Also, it’s way easier to thread little arms through.
Oh So Vera Knotted Gowns — I wish all baby clothes were made of this fabric. Stretchy and soft, the quality really makes putting these on way easier. They’re also flipping adorable, and you don’t have to eff with socks. Diaper changes are a breeze, just unknot, change, knot it back up, and go. Cute, functional, comfortable. The only downside is riding in a carseat in them gets weird.
B.E. Rosie Bows — I really like Oh So Vera’s bamboo bows, but they’re still a little big for a newborn. Enter these cute bows from B.E. Rosie. They’re based in Hickman, so they’re still local, but have way more small infant bows. They’ve got great fabrics — I got a donut bow I’m obsessed with. You can get these in Lincoln at Circle Me Boutique.
Old Navy Footed One Pieces — Best footie pajamas in the game. The zipper zips from the bottom up to make diaper changes easier, and the colors come outside of the standard pastels. Ada has similar coloring to me, so she looks really nice in deep jewel tones. That said, you know what also shines on dark colors? Spitup. She looks great for ten minutes, but after that I, uh, wouldn’t want CPS at my door, because they’d think we hadn’t bathed her since birth.
House Things
As Many Smart Switches as Humanly Possible — Nobody has time to turn off seven downstairs lights with a newborn in their arms. Tell your robot overlords to do it instead.
Sous Vide Cooker — This thing is about the only thing standing between me and living on pizza at the moment. Considering I did that through like…. most of my pregnancy, it’s probably time to cut that shit out. Throw four chicken breasts in the water bath, cook for two hours, then throw them in the fridge. When I’m ready to use them in some recipe, I pull them out, nuke them for a few minutes, and sear them. Cake.
Maintaining Your Sanity At Night
An adjustable source of warm light — I’m using my Phillips Sunrise Simulation Clock for nighttime wakeups. It’s a life saver to have a soft, low source of light, vs. turning on a lamp that makes you feel like you just got caught in a prison break. Before I remembered that my clock would work for this, I had a lamp covered in an orange pillowcase. This comes with 100% fewer fire concerns.
The Happiest Baby on the Block White Noise — These white noise sounds are like, effing terrible. But they work. And if I have to choose between listening to 20 minutes of what I’d imagine it would sound like if toddlers decided to start a band with only breast pumps and chainsaws as their instruments or my baby crying, I’m going with option A because it makes me feel significantly less guilty. They’re not my toddlers, after all.
Owlet Smart Sock — I went back and forth on getting this basically my whole pregnancy. I wasn’t sure if it would make my anxiety worse or would help. I’m not sure if having to be resuscitated at birth made my anxiety over suddenly stopping breathing worse, or if I would’ve had it anyway, but I barely slept until I got this thing. When my mother-in-law asked if there’s anything I wanted but didn’t get, the Owlet sock was the first thing that sprung to mind. I feel so reassured that I have some insight into her pulse and oxygen saturation, and I’m no longer tormenting my arm by keeping it on her chest to make sure she’s breathing at night. The connected care app also monitors her sleep patterns, so I know I’m not crazy if a night seems particularly bad.
Apparently Birth Is Hard On Your Body
I am going to talk about my vagina here, so if you don’t want to hear about vaginas, maybe just skip this part.
Frida MomWasher — I was a little scared of the bidet in the hospital (along with toilet paper, underwear, pads, and basically anything else that was going to touch my nether regions), so I preferred using this where I could control the water temperature and pressure. I tore pretty badly, so your fear level may vary, but I couldn’t have lived without this the first few weeks.
Tea Pads — The hospital had frozen tea-soaked diapers to shove in your underwear, and they were pretty vital to managing my pain for the first few days after birth. I didn’t make any for home in advance, which is probably one of my bigger pieces of advice I’d give to my past self.
This is starting to get really long, so I’ll make this a two part-er. Next time, more focus on baby things.
Fun Activities for Your Third Trimester
Third trimester. Man, it’s rough. It’s basically first trimester in terms of being exhausted and moody, except now you probably have about two inches of dead space where your abs used to be, and people look at you sympathetically like… all the time. It can be kind of hard to find fun things to do when you’re anxiously awaiting your opportunity to evict your uterine companion, so I’ve compiled a handy list.
Glare at old people that use the expecting mother spaces.
Use the phrase “my crotch has hiccups” on different audiences. Compare reactions.
Partner activity: put on shoes that tie.
Make a list of things to get done after work. Congratulations, you’re now a comedian!
Compare your milk and dairy product expenditures to 8 months ago.
Order your husband a beer during one of your bathroom trips while at a bar. Enjoy the silence.
Try to compare crib mattress reviews. Bonus: If you’re looking for a large dog bed, this is a two for the price of one activity, because half the reviews will be how the mattress functions as a dog bed.
Figure out exactly how much you can eat before you start squishing your lungs. You’re not going to actually retain and use this knowledge, but it’s fun to figure it out over and over again.
Start an instagram where people can guess what you spilled on your bump today.
Take a bath. Have your husband time how long it takes for you to be able to get yourself out of the bathtub. Alternative, less physical activity: Watch any video with a dog in it, have your husband time how long it takes until you start crying.
Top Weird Things About Pregnancy
If you didn't read the last post, know that anything like this I'm posting comes with the giant caveat of "THIS HAS BEEN MY EXPERIENCE THIS PREGNANCY," so your mileage may vary, and it doesn't invalidate your pregnancy if this hasn't been your experience. Also I talk about my bladder more than once. You've been warned.
1. Being Out of Breath at Nothing
I'm typing these out of order, and I literally just got out of breath typing the second paragraph. It's ridiculous. I gave a conference talk early in my pregnancy, and my #1 concern was that I would just like, pass out in a heap of breathlessness because talking too much made me out of breath. Working out like, isn't super fun right now, because I can't push myself at all.
2. One Day, Your Abs Just... Stop Abbing
Have you even woken yourself up in the middle of the night because you tried to roll over in your sleep and got stuck? Nope? Guess you haven't been pregnant then. Seriously, this has been one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I basically barrel roll off the couch these days. I literally can't walk the dog because her pulling is just torture on my core. Some days I walk around just kind of trying to... squish them back into place. I don't 100% believe anyone who tells me that yes, I will one day be able to do a plank again.
3. You Learn What Something Poking Your Organs Feels Like
The first time I got kicked in my bladder, I KNEW IT. It's a really bizarre feeling to have a sudden jab to something inside of you. It's basically like the most intense need to pee in the world, but only for like... 10 seconds.
4. When the Kid Gets Hiccups
You know how when you have hiccups, it already feels a little otherworldly? Like your body is rebelling and all of the sudden you have this tic you can't control? That, but it's not you. Also, it's in your abdomen. If you're lucky, maybe your kid is sitting on your bladder as a bonus!
5. So, Where Do I Put my Laptop?
My laptop doesn't really have a space to live when I'm laying down, because it just slides off my stomach. Which is really unfortunate, because sitting for any length of time makes it feel like someone is stabbing me repeatedly in the right ribcage.
6. Nesting Hormones
Ask me how much money I've spent on storage bins. Actually, don't. That's classified information. And Ryan lacks the proper security clearance to access that info, because I say so.
7. When You Can Start to Tell Where the Baby is Hanging Out
Some days, she's sitting low. And basically using my bladder as a bean bag. I went to the bathroom 10 times between 11 and 5 yesterday. That's a low day. If I'm waddling (or making a really concerted effort not to waddle), also a low day. I.... don't like low days.
8. The Food Aversions Are Real
This has luckily passed for me, though I know a lot of women who weren't so lucky. Early in pregnancy, I could barely stand to be in the same room as a chicken breast. The only way I could stomach chicken is if it were deep fried into something barely recognizable. On that note...
9. Do. Not. Eff. With. My. Food.
Oh my God, I think if every person who was a huge jerk to me while waitressing over their food was pregnant, I retroactively forgive them. If I have an idea of what I want in my head, I am... not proud of the person I become if something comes in between that. (Don't worry, I have not yelled at any poor restaurant employees. I still have 7 years of restaurant experience under my belt to stoke the flames of empathy. I have cried over food being screwed up, though.) Ryan has also given up trying to take anything from my plate without express permission, but he came pretty close to some fork wounds before learning that lesson.
10. SO MANY FEELINGS.
I've never been much of a crier, with the exception of videos of military dads being reunited with their kids. But since I've been pregnant, all bets are off. Ryan is endlessly amused at this, and will send videos while across the room just to see if it'll make me cry. Most of them involve cows, which DID YOU GUYS KNOW ARE BASICALLY JUST GIANT DOGS? Christ. I've almost become a vegetarian more times this pregnancy than the rest of my life combined.
Pregnancy & Pessimism
I made a lot of assumptions about pregnancy, and for most of those assumptions, I assumed pregnancy was going to suck.
I get motion sick. Like, ridiculously easily. Which everyone says practically guarantees morning sickness.
I'm on the shorter side, and keeping weight off after 24 has proven easier said than done.
I like wine. I really, really like wine.
But... honestly, if my pregnancy has had any sort of hallmark thus far, it's "average." Like, when I had my 20 week ultrasound the baby was measuring at the 49.5th percentile average.
Sure, first trimester came with a pretty steady feeling of being the kind of hungover you get when you didn't MEAN to have that extra glass or two, it just happened. Like, you can mostly function, but maybe you're not all there? I don't think I even realized quite HOW tired or nauseous I was until I was out of it, and was kind of like "huh, vomiting on my coworkers doesn't feel like as much of a valid concern anymore." But I never actually got sick (though there were a couple of times I refused to move, because I was pretty sure if I did it was all done for), and I really feel like I can't complain much when I compare my first trimester to many women who I know.
I assumed that I would probably wind up being pretty healthy. I work out regularly, I eat pretty decently if I'm in the swing of things, really my main vice for the past few years has been drinking pretty regularly. So once that was off the table, I was sure I would be mother earth health goddess. So much kale!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA.
Oh God, guys. I can't tell you yet if it's a mental thing, or an actual pregnancy thing, but you know what sounds like garbage to me? Vegetables. My dietary standards have been way more "day after a holiday party" than kale goddess. I just want fat and carbs, rinse repeat.
It was a little more understandable first trimester when the undercurrent of queasiness was a constant and the idea of a chicken breast made me want to hurl myself off the roof, but I've kind of lost that excuse for the last couple months. (Side note, if you may become pregnant, I don't advise buying the pre-shredded rotisserie chicken pack at Costco unless you want to hate yourself until you finally throw it away.) The sugar cravings have also been insane -- I think I was averaging 2-3 bags of sour patch kids a week in the first month or so after I found out, before eventually it settled into "ice cream, please, and make it every single day."
Anyway. Because this is my blog and I'm not dispensing this to any specific person, I'm giving you some unsolicited lessons I've learned.
1. If you're starting a sentence to a pregnant woman with "just wait until..." you're the one who should just wait.
Oh my GOD this is so frustrating. Every pregnancy is different. Every. Single. One. So if someone is not having morning sickness/having morning sickness past 13 weeks/not in pain/not showing/afraid they're showing too much/etc./etc./etc./etc. and you want to tell them that some other outcome is ABSOLUTELY going to happen, they just haven't reached that point yet, put a cork in it. Seriously. On that note...
2. Don't talk about your own experience with pregnancy as if it is the one true pregnancy.
I've learned to try to be VERY self-aware of this. It's tough, it really is. Because it is YOUR one true pregnancy. But seriously, dispensing advice in black and white terms to people who are trying to conceive or less pregnant than you is really obnoxious. I always try to make sure I pad anything with something along the lines of "my experience has been xyz."
The only hard advice I'm going to give you is go run and buy some Lululemon Align leggings the second you see that second line, because SHIT those things are comfortable.
3. Your body changes are not like strapping a pillow to your stomach and calling it a day.
I was... a bit unprepared for how much my body would change, and how quickly. People really hone in on the pregnancy changes they can see, and if you ask a random person, I think they'd think the physical changes are basically like "yeah, it's like strapping 15 lbs of weight to your stomach!" Wrong.
The physical changes are SO real before you're even showing. It's crazy how much my lung capacity went down like, immediately after I found out. And frustrating as hell, for someone used to working out and being in decent shape. It's hard to explain that "yeah, I'm barely showing, but my blood volume is also doubling so it's essentially like I'm at high altitude all the time" when you're sucking wind after climbing a flight of stairs. Your ab muscles also go to pot REAL quick. Getting off the couch or out of bed involves more of a barrel role type motion than I'm willing to admit, and it's solely because that core strength to just pull yourself up doesn't exist anymore. And it's really hard to lift anything when you have to work around your stomach. My next post could probably be titled "things I lifted and then regretted in the last month," and it would be longer than this one.
4. Seeing a therapist while pregnant has been a really, really good move.
I've seen a therapist before, but upon getting pregnant I knew that I absolutely needed to see someone who had experience with pre and post-natal anxiety. Anxiety has long been something that has been a part of my life, so it was no surprise that all the unknowns of pregnancy and the reality of being pregnant after a miscarriage brought up some pretty intense anxiety responses. Having someone to help me work through that anxiety and give me productive coping tools has been invaluable to having a healthy pregnancy.
If I were to give any blanket type advice to a pregnant woman, it would be to at least consider seeing a mental health professional. I'm honestly a little scared to publish this blog, because I'm afraid by putting it out there that my pregnancy has been normal, I'm going to ensure something dramatic and terrible happens. But thanks to my therapist, I also know that that's called "magic thinking," and is 100% an anxiety thought. Boom. My copays at work, people.
Overall, though, it really hasn't been as bad as I was expecting. That's with a HUGE ASTERISK that I'm only 25 weeks. I was convinced pregnancy was going to suck, end to end, and that really hasn't been my experience.
I'll be glad to have my body be my own, and predictable, and not change week over week. I'll be glad to return to having a couple glasses of wine on occasion, or be able to have some beers during football season. I'll even be weirdly happy about "dieting" and having some sense of control over my weight and not having to worry about whether what I'm eating could potentially have a direct impact on someone else. I'll be glad to be able to sit for any length of time without some weird searing pain across my right ribcage.
But, I had gotten a kick out of starting to see and feel the kid move (ha). Things felt way more real once we found out the sex and had a name, and I've enjoyed getting the house and our lives ready for having a kid. I've actually been fairly happy with some of the lifestyle changes I've had to make (oh yeah, I kind of forgot I'm a bit of an introvert). I've enjoyed deepening some friendships and making new ones with people going through trying to conceive and pregnancy and new motherhood around the same time. Nesting hormones have made me CRAZY PRODUCTIVE.
I don't LOVE being pregnant, but I'm appreciative of the fact that I am. It isn't the worst thing, and it isn't terrible. It's proven to be a tolerable, if weird, season of life.
I'll circle back to the tolerable part when I'm 39 weeks, though.
A Whole New Blog
Oh hi.
I haven't blogged in awhile, and even shut down my former blog to make way for my revamped site -- which was definitely more professionally focused than personal. But, I kind of miss having a place to dump my long-form thoughts, and I'm not nearly angsty enough for Tumblr, so here we are.
I'll post my first full post (likely some sort of pregnancy thus far type post, because the world doesn't have enough of those) when I'm not exhausted from a day that included jury duty and a dog so excited to hang out my neighbors she nearly yanked my already sad, delicate abs out of my body. Stay tuned, friends.