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Jess Writes Things

Fun Activities for Your Third Trimester

Third trimester. Man, it’s rough. It’s basically first trimester in terms of being exhausted and moody, except now you probably have about two inches of dead space where your abs used to be, and people look at you sympathetically like… all the time. It can be kind of hard to find fun things to do when you’re anxiously awaiting your opportunity to evict your uterine companion, so I’ve compiled a handy list.

  1. Glare at old people that use the expecting mother spaces.

  2. Use the phrase “my crotch has hiccups” on different audiences. Compare reactions.

  3. Partner activity: put on shoes that tie.

  4. Make a list of things to get done after work. Congratulations, you’re now a comedian!

  5. Compare your milk and dairy product expenditures to 8 months ago.

  6. Order your husband a beer during one of your bathroom trips while at a bar. Enjoy the silence.

  7. Try to compare crib mattress reviews. Bonus: If you’re looking for a large dog bed, this is a two for the price of one activity, because half the reviews will be how the mattress functions as a dog bed.

  8. Figure out exactly how much you can eat before you start squishing your lungs. You’re not going to actually retain and use this knowledge, but it’s fun to figure it out over and over again.

  9. Start an instagram where people can guess what you spilled on your bump today.

  10. Take a bath. Have your husband time how long it takes for you to be able to get yourself out of the bathtub. Alternative, less physical activity: Watch any video with a dog in it, have your husband time how long it takes until you start crying.

Jessica Versaw